Loving yourself, beauty and body positivity
Updated: Oct 3, 2020
Find the loving support and conditioning techniques to help grow your personal style and inner confidence. Learn hair and makeup hacks, how to create your own herbal bath with garden treasures, habits to grow your spirit, and rituals to nourish your soul!
How does beauty FEEL?
We all know the feeling of the good hair day, where it just falls into place… the day your eyeliner glides on smoothly with no crisis, the day you choose the perfect blend of comfort and style from your closet. No matter which element of your image you are talking about, how you look absolutely affects everything about how you FEEL.
I’ve always had a difficult time defining exactly what kind of style I have. I’m kind of all over the place most of the time. I will see something I like and have the inclination to try and replicate it. The challenge so often being that when I replicate it looks nothing like the original image that I liked so much. I am not the same weight or body type as the model in the ad, my hair is the wrong texture for the haircut I like, or my eyelids are not as firm and resilient as I had imagined when it’s time to do eye makeup.
All the “experts’ will tell you that being yourself is the answer, and then they also say that imitation is the finest form of flattery?… what’s a lady to believe? I like to find images for inspiration, get really specific about what exactly I like about the image, and then begin finding pieces to add to my style that will help me move closer to that inspiration.
Shopping for fit has been major. Often times the clothes I am drawn to may not be whats best for my body type. That of course has not stopped me from shoving my hourglass bod into a pencil skirt made for a petit lady and crying in the dressing room. Working with personal shoppers and investing in solid basics that fit well has been a game changer. I love a good wrap dress… this is a shape that always fits, cinches at the natural waist and is a great piece that you can dress up or down.
Developing personal style has been a life long learning curve in my experience. My personal style at 42 years old has evolved several times over the decades, and interestingly enough after all of this time to perfect it… some days I am just as confused as ever about how I want to look. The one thing I am always connected to is how I FEEL when I get it right.
Living in Black
I love wearing black. Black is safe, always matches, communicates professionalism, has an edgy feel and we all know is slimming. I wonder sometimes if the slimming feature is a big driver in my choice to wear black so often? I am in the ‘curvy’ category, at a current size 12-14 I am plus size in most brands. I have been a 7, I have been an 18. In both sizes I was equally frustrated with how my body looked. Even at my most fit, I did not ‘fit’ into the looks I gravitated towards. Too much booty, legs too thick, hips too wide… I was all around too much.
I heard the term body dysmorphia a few years back in relation to people with eating disorders and/or people who had lost massive amounts of weight. The term refers to the phenomena of what people actual see in the mirror versus what is actually there. You see, when you loose 100 pounds the scale knows, other people can see it, but your brain does not compute. The image in the mirror in front of you still taunts you. When I was a size 8, I would still buy size 18’s because when I would hold up an 8 it just looked small… like no way was I fitting into that tiny thing. In my mind I was the same size I had always been and the reality of my new size was not changing so easily.
Black leggings and big tee shirts with boots is a solid go to when I feel like hiding my body from the shame of not being the size and shape I feel like I should be. I put a little extra effort into things like statement jewelry or intense eye makeup hoping that these details will distract from how I look on the outside. This is my safety zone.
I understand that so much of this is a game I play in my head. I have recently been stopping and looking at my body in the mirror, and telling myself how smokin’ HOT I AM! It’s funny because in the moment I don’t really believe myself… I have to make myself repeat it again and feel the discomfort that comes with reconditioning my beliefs. I am getting better at loving my body regardless of it’s current visual appeal, we are a work in progress.